Craig Souza’s classic jailbreak defense: ‘I did it for love.’
Crimes of passion, bizarre mating rituals, forbidden love—it's all here in Santa Cruz. In honor of Valentine's Day, we take a look at just how strange local romance can get:
CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD: In early January, a man scared off a burglar who broke into his girlfriend’s apartment with a samurai sword. For her part, the woman grabbed a road flare from her bedside table—you know, because baseball bats and cans of mace are so two-thousand-late. When going through the couple’s kitchen drawer, police uncovered a Civil War-era rifle, a black mamba snake and an atom bomb.
PANTY GRABBIN’: In another January crime, a teenage boy was caught stealing panties from a woman’s house on Pearl Street. He was later found by police in a vacant apartment, in possession of panties from several other women. While sexy lingerie is a common Valentine’s Day gift, there are only so many ways you can please a girlfriend who won’t be satisfied with anything short of “a mountain of soiled panties from every woman on this block, so help me God.”
MAA SO HORNY: Last February, the Santa Cruz Animal Shelter celebrated V-Day with its first annual story contest. Animal lovers were invited to submit stories about the dear animals that have touched their hearts. The winner, JP Novic, penned “Nellie: Vixen with Horns” about a “naughty goat.” Turns out that “naughty is putting it lightly. This old gal with the spiked horns that are like daggers, loves to stab you in the butt if she doesn’t get her way,” reads the story.
YOU CAN FIND ME IN THE COUNTY BUILDING, BOTTLE FULL OF BUB: The County Clerk’s office will transform itself this Valentine’s Day into a “romantic wedding room,” promising to “ensure a magical and memorable ceremony” complete with roses, cupcakes and sparkling apple cider. Official ceremonies will be provided for a hundred bucks a pop and broadcast on the county’s website through its official “WedCam.” Official notice from the County Clerk: Do not be late for your special day. If you are late, you will have to reschedule for another day. Do not invite more than 15 people. That is all. Love is in the air!