While the Santa Cruz Warriors were beating the D-Fenders in Los Angeles, a much stranger sporting event was unfolding at the Kaiser Permanente Arena.
The New Leaf basketball team followed an impressive offensive effort by rapper Reggie “FMZ” Stephens to a 46-40 victory over the Allterra Solar team. Stephens, a former NFL player, dominated the points in the paint with help from a supporting cast that included Santa Cruz district attorney Bob Lee, who shot an impressive hook shot for New Leaf’s first score in the Hardwood Celebrity Classic, a fundraiser for Grind Out Hunger. But of course it was all downhill from there.
In the first quarter, referee Danny Keith, Grind Out Hunger CEO, stole the ball and drove to the basket—missing an easy layup, as metal singer James Durbin pulled off Keith’s black Afro wig to start wearing it around himself. In the second half, the crowd grew restless and began shouting “use some elbows!” and “come on, twinkletoes!”
New Leaf’s Scott Roseman bribed referee Keith with money for needy kids to get him to reverse a call. One player climbed on former Mayor Hilary Bryant, who was on the Allterra team, when she was on the ground, and pretended to beat her up. And second district supervisor Zach Friend dived into the crowd looking for votes.
We wouldn’t want to call it the worst basketball game we’ve ever seen—so we’d better change the subject. Guess what color the ice cream cone tattoo is on Santa Cruz City Councilmember Don Lane’s right bicep. Pink! That’s right.
When the New Leaf team jumped out to a lead in the second quarter, officials let three kids in Allterra jerseys on the court to level the playing field. Chip, the executive director of the Downtown Association, showed impressive ball handling when he evaded all three for a score. The kids were taken out of the game when they tripped Sentinel photographer Shmuel Thaler.
We also hear the Santa Cruz Warriors are one NBA call-up away from signing former Mayor Ryan “Hebrew Thunder” Coonerty.
